Year of the Buffalo - 2019 Review

Do you feel blessed? Sometimes I’m overwhelmed by the blessing. Other times my eyes strain to see it, my heart strains to feel the reality of the blessing.

But that doesn’t make the blessing any less real. I’m learning in those times when the ache to experience blessing overwhelms me that I must step back and take a gratitude inventory. When I find myself focusing on what’s gone wrong, or what hasn’t gone right I can completely miss the blessings and lose sight of so much good that’s all around me. Does this ever happen to you? 

I recently found myself in this place so I’m taking a gratitude pause now to realign my heart with what is true and real, turning my gaze to acknowledge the blessings that abound. It’s funny how counterintuitive this can be in the moment. Gratitude takes effort while other (more toxic) emotions seem to spill out naturally on their own. But I’m here giving the effort, fighting the good fight.

As I look back over 2019 I’m confident I’ve used the Buffalo well. (No clue, what I’m talking about? This blog explains everything, phew!) It seems like there’s only some scraps of hair and a few bones left. It was a good year of using all I have been given and wasting little. Stewardship was a top priority for me this year in every area of my life.

One of the most helpful things I did this year was to write a mission statement. From there everything I did was filtered through the mission statement. I used my ‘mission filter’ often. If it wasn’t on mission and wasn’t essential, I didn’t do it. Life is so short, we don’t get do overs and I don’t want to waste a moment. Like an arrow aimed at the bull’s-eye I want my life to be aimed at my mission in every way possible.

Have you thought about writing a mission statement for your life? It could begin with something as simple as a list of things you’re passionate about, things that light you up, ways you’re uniquely gifted, things you enjoy doing. Then as you look over this list, identify how those things could be used to serve others. Voila! You have a mission statement. It doesn’t have to be complicated. Praying helps too…

Our greatest joy comes when we serve others and I believe we are here to make this world a better place. Part of my mission is being both a hope-bringer and a peacemaker because I want to help make this world a better place for you, for me and for our children. That might sound high and lofty. Because well, it is. 

You might think how can one little girl do this? I can’t. But, if all the little girls join together… and all the little boys join together and we’re ALL seeking to do our part to make this world better - the result is that the world WILL be better. 

After all, the ocean is made up of lots of little drops of water. Together they make a mighty ocean, but it’s all just a bunch of little drops. Each of those little drops matter, each of those little drops work together and each of those little drops make a difference. The sum of its impact in community far exceeds the impact it could have on its own.

We can’t seek greatness and influence for our own sake. If we are, it’s all for naught. If it’s our attempt to heal or compensate for a wounded exile part, no amount of success will ever suffice. Any influence we have must come from a place of freedom and wholeness in Christ. We can’t serve out of our insecurities. 

I worked crazy hard this year creating a socially conscious Christmas album. For me it was a Christmas album on mission. My goal is to see peace on earth and as a musician and an artist/ songwriter I want to help engage people’s hearts through music, evoking empathy and compassion in fresh compelling ways. So I spent an entire year, invested resources, time and a whole lot of heart into creating this record because I believe in it, because I believe it matters, because I believe in the mission I’m on. In every way this record did better than any record I’ve done before. You were moved, you responded, you engaged the album and you shared it with your friends. Words are not enough to say thank you. 

In typical Kellie fashion my dreams and expectations for this record were sky high and they grew as the buzz around the music grew.

I keep saying each time I release an album (this was my fifth album) that I’m not going to dream big this time. I try not to hope. I try not to have high expectations, but it seems impossible not to dream. Each time I get excited about the new music and each time I think maybe this time will be different. Subtly those expectations creep up in my heart and before I know it they’re so big that they’re getting crushed. Perhaps they’re unrealistic, perhaps their spot on. Hard to tell. 

I feel caught in the tension of living in a world where we’re told to dream, where we’re told to expect great things and to do great things when for most of us our reality often feels much more ordinary. I work tirelessly to check all the boxes and do the right thing, believing that if I do my part my dreams must come true, this must work out. But, what I’m learning is that it doesn’t seem to work that way, there’s a currency and a formula our culture operates by that I have yet to crack. It’s a mystery why some things succeed, why some people succeed, why some things go viral and others don’t. I’ve experienced both. 

The Thank You Project, with little promotional effort, has over 150 million views across several platforms. The Christmas album with a ton of effort to promote it had about 20,000 streams. In both of these projects the investment and the yield greatly differ. Granted I know that the purpose of these projects differ from each other, however they both are on mission to serve others and bring hope to a weary world. It’s a mystery why people respond the way they do.

I’ve often asked the question, where is the line between being a dreamer and being a fool? I think I often toe that line. Some days I struggle with this and some days I’m so focused on the mission that it’s impossible to struggle because I know I’m doing what matters and I know what matters is what I’m doing.

Are there ways that you struggle between the tension of being a dreamer and being a fool?

I want to remind you today that you are not a fool for trying. You’re not a fool for dreaming. You simply are not a fool. You’re worth is not determined by your success.

Your worth is secure simply because you are. 

Your existence denotes your worth. Simply because you are - simply is enough. You are enough. And from this place of inherent value I am here to remind you that you are free to dream. You must dream. 

Sure, there is risk in dreaming but also great potential and adventure. So dream on. Love on, dear ones, I see you. I see your effort. I see your tenacity. I see your steadfastness. And I am most emphatically cheering you on into this new year and this new decade.

I invite you into my struggle in case it helps you feel less alone in your struggles.

We are all trudging along..together…the trudge is better together…

Haggai 2:5, “Take courage and work, for I am with you, says the Lord Almighty. My spirit remains among you..do not be afraid.”