I hate Halloween. I’ve said this often over the years. But I wonder if this reflex-like emotion is more about hating what happened to us on Halloween. It’s been 12 years. Some may say time makes it better. I don’t really think so. Time makes it different. The hard is different, but it’s still hard. I remember the day it all happened like it was yesterday. Daylight savings bringing extra morning snuggles. AJ flying baby Eli like an airplane; their giggles. Hugging his parents goodbye. Waving and beeping the horn all the way down the street. Windows down. Music loud. Singing and playing ‘air-trumpets’ to Al Greene’s “Let’s Stay Together”. The sun setting. Black. Nothing. For a few hours I have no memories. Then the crushing news. AJ was gone. Eli was fighting for his life. My life would never be the same. 12 years of processing, yet there’s still so much to process. From the beginning it’s been my prayer that I would grieve in a healthy way. This meant fighting the urge to run, hide, burry the emotions or drown it out with busy-ness. So I’ve tried my best to sit in the emotions however painful, to move through them & not get stuck, to be present & honest, to not feel guilty for being happy or sad. I think in time we get better at grieving, going through the cycles of the different ‘hard’ days that are on the calendar. We have better tools to equip us. But at the end of the day it’s still grief, it’s still hard. So here I am, yet another attempt to grieve in a healthy way today. Coming as I am. Sitting in the emotion. Remembering. Pressing on through this day that for so many others is fun. For me, today my heart feels like it weighs a thousand bricks. And maybe what time has given me is the understanding that this is OK. That this is what grieving in a healthy way looks like. Thank you to all of you who are walking this road with me. Knowing I’m not alone means everything. #grief

I love weddings! Beyond excited to be with my man to celebrate the marriage of @raquelnzayas and @drewwest289!!! #westweddingever 💗💕

This is how happy I am to have all the songs finished for my new record! #WildLove #newmusiccomingsoon

LOVE making music with these ladies! #girlmusic @raquelnzayas @darganthompson

The songs are being mastered today at Georgetown Masters in Nashville. Meanwhile, last night I did another photo shoot with the talented @alpepin #albumphotography #newmusiccomingsoon #musicpromo

Happy holiday weekend!!! I'm over here listening to final mixes for my new record! Titling this selfie: 'So Much On My Mind' @bluemicrophones #MoFi #headphones #hat #sunglasses #grateful

Happy Anniversary! Love you so much babe! #7years #grateful

My frequently used emojis are cracking me up. So telling and reflective of the many moments throughout my day! #emojis #insightsintolife #thelittlethings

Grateful to work with talented photographer @alpepin tonight looking back at top shots from our photo shoot a few weeks ago. Working hard on artwork and promo for my new record #wildlove ❤️

Look what I'm listening to!!!!! Final mixes for my new record are done! Sounds amazing! So excited for you to hear it too! Now on to getting the record mastered, then artwork, then in your hands! #getready #newmusiccomingsoon #finalmix #wildlove #justrevealedthealbumtitle